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Archive for October, 2005

fear of death


once ed had told me that ppl are nothing to fear when they have nothing to lose… as he was comment that i am being so fearful recently becoz of getting a high paid job. he told me that last time i used to be fearless and now become someone with no guts…. ahaha… yea maybe true…. maybe i am so fearful recently…. i used to remmeber last time dav challenge me to play the roller coaster at time square… and finally it was only me who dare to play… and dav watch me play at the side…. after then i always laugh at dav…. now i start to know why dav have no guts that time… ūüôā
what is i at most fear? do i fear death? yes… now i start to fear… as when me start to own something… i start to fear of losing them… what is this something… well i know dav would understand… ed would understand… mr N would understand… erm.. maybe not mr N…

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trying my luck


well.. found someone interesting in the net… and was being asked to tried my luck.. and this is my first try.. and i failed i guess… hmm… don really have so much luck now… all given to others… always wished other ppl luck and no one wished me back…. next time want to give out jinx… donno who want…

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finally the banner carrier have decided to call it a day. after this unsave long journey, the banner carrier feels that he had done what he had to be done, yet he get whipped by the general. ‘ok, i am done. this would be my very end. after this journey, good bye.’ said the banner carrier to his general. ‘i wont be carrying banner for you anymore. i feel that i am not competant to do so. if i stretch more, i’ll break. i am old and not as young as you thought. i am sorry.’

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bored


seems like i am working too much… when i chat with me frens… all the topics are related to work… am i become one of those freaking workaholic? oh no… i don like horlic… i want milo… sob..sob..
 

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life is cruel


someone made a statement that life is cruel, that we don really have a choice to made for our own decision but we just have to follow the fate. well… it’s a yes and no situation depends on how would u look at it…. some people don have the choice to choose what they really wants to work as, maybe becoz of life, they had no choice but to work… if u¬†wished to be get a more comfortable life… that’s the price u have to pay…¬† that’s not cruel… life is cruel when u are desperate becoz u got nothing to feed ur child and u wanted to chop off their hands or legs so that they can be attracted for the pitiness of others and get begged for $$…

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won the nikon digital camera from microsoft.. so happy and actuall plan to give out to cl for her farewell gift… before that wasn’t know it’s the camera… but cl arent free to help me to claim it at klcc, so call dav.. and his bz too… then tried to call tg, well he’s not sure whether he’ll be in kl… and finally think wend msn me so i asked her to help me to collect my prize. well so happy to know that it’s a camera and well since plan to give out someone help me to claim it… so wend.. u are lucky to have it… and happy b’day to u too… haha.. take it as ur b’day gift… first time to present ppl with rm1000++ gift… wow…

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meeting with old friends


met with ken this evening. a good fren of mine.. ermm… used to be good frens… now becoz of the god jamm work load, we don really meet with each others… both of us are food lovers… especially food at road side, food hidden in small small lane where only locals can find…

after a frustration working day, have decided not to stay in the office for too long.. so i just look for frens out for dinner… sms fj.. no reply… call ac.. no one is picking up…then i have scroll through my phone list… surprisingly that i cant find any name in my phone where i can call out… am i being isolated for too long… where did all my frens go?? am i sacrifying too much of my time staying in the company? where could all my frens go?? i feel sad… being living for 27 years of life, i cant even find a name in the list just to call out a fren for dinner… shame on me… shame…

 

finally decided to call Ken. so luckily he’s available… otherwise i would be eating myself alone…. i don like to go dinner without anyone… dinner should be joyful… should be with family or friends….

 

so we headed to west garden to have the fried kangkong, we had the curry fish and omelet with prawns… west garden is famous of their fried kangkong.. the place is somewhere near the ismail bakery shop… where not many ppl can find the hideouts… then later we went to eat the stim salty chicken and the chicken leg somewhere near the komtar there… at the side of the abandon cinema… the last time¬†i’ve been there was about 19/20 years ago… yea.. no kidding…and the chicken leg… is still as tasty as the time i was there..

 

we had a great time at our dinner… we tell jokes… we share stories… just like the same old days.. missed these kinda days….

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another story to share


one day, a man riding a donkey head to the town. and somewhere in the middle of the road, he saw someone riding a horse… the horse are tall, the skin is shinny compare to his stubburn donkey…
along the road he is mad at himself, getting frustrated becoz he should find a horse to ride instead of a donkey… the horse don need to be as tall as the one he saw, no need to be as shinny as he see, but at least it must be a horse…
finally he reach the gate of the town, the place are so crowded, and he had to queue up with to go through the gate. he get more frustrated becoz the horseman he saw earlier, is in front of him. which makes him feel so shameful becoz of he is riding the donkey. he turn his face away so that he wouldn’t have to see the horseman… after he turn his face away, he saw that there’s another man, pushing and pulling a stock cart very hard to get into the queue. from that moment, he realize that he should be greatful as he still have a donkey to ride, while there’s a lot of people who is still pushing the stock very hard.
 
the moral of this story tells that we shouldn’t envy of other people who have a better life than us. if we think that our life is not good enough, look back and we will some there’s somore more people is suffering compare to us. we should thankful to the life we have… appreciate and be happy of what you have.

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light


i can see no light during this journey yet i must have faith that ligh i will see somewhere along the journey. hope is what i can do and hope is what i must have. as banner carrier i must not fall as if i fall who’s is heavy enough to carry the banner? walk through a long way fighting evils during this dark journey hope to see some¬†light shown… thy who have faith with me shall not fall, as we are going to have the final push, putting our very last strength to finshed this journey.

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tired mind


having a meeting marathon start from last week and minds are very tired at the moment. it’s not a easy as people say that meeting is sucha easy work. you can say that statement only when you are involve in a meeting but as a listener only. if we need to involve of brain storming session and we have to think into and ouside and everywhere of the box, it’s not a easy task. how amazing that i can still staying alive with a living mind…
 

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another day of my life


work..work.. work… seems that work is jeopordizing my life. maybe life= work. what about my friends and family? what about my personal life?¬† hmm… well, if life= work, do i love life? if i don love life, why am i still living?? hmm… do i still love my life? yes i am. someone told me before that if u cannot change a stement, get used of it. so if life=work and i love life then i love work! ūüôā simple logic.. haha… seems that i can count too…
only 2 kinds of people can have non working life… retired and dead people. so i am not either retired or dead, then work i must.¬†23++ years more to go… to be in the non working category group. work hard ono!

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good story to share


it’s amazing that me and my manager thoughts arent syncronized until this very end moment of the project. luckily we have brought this up in the meeting just now. it’s a very dangerous cause, which at the ends it is get the project to screw up. luckily at this moment we have the meeting and re-sync the whole idea. the project i worked out give me a lot of experience, lots of idea that i never think of before. some people would just laugh at me that i am very silly to stick into such position. well, although i have suffer from a great pressure from the customer and my manager end, well i believe that after this project what i have learned and experience, will be helping me a lot in the future. from planning the schedule, estimating the dateline, sharing the ideas among team members.
 
another important note that i have taken into my accound is that most of the time, we are lacking communication with each others, lack of comminication among managers, lack of communication among team members, lack of communication among the customers. as a developer points of view, i do not have to communicate much with the project leads. i just have to received orders and done what i was told. but now i cannot stand in the point of a developer as now i am a project leads, i have to talk with my managers, my customers and my team members. if i don communcate well with any sides, there will be a break down on the projects and for sure there will be a problem coming soon. it is not a good thing when this happens.
 
 

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dreams


do i have a dreams? what is my dreams? recently a lot of ppl like to ask me this kinda question. do i dream to get rich? do i dream to be a powerful guy? do i dream to be retired at the aged of 38? what is my dreams?
 
in a sandy white seashore, i owned a house, living with my pets, plant my own food. when free, sun bathing, fishing, swimming, play with my pets, never worries about the world, never need to know the sharp end technology, living with joy and rest in peace many years later.
 
well this is only a dream anyway, i have to go on with my life, working hard to to fulfill my need in real life. very seldom i would think of my dreams these days as it is like a star that i could never reached. maybe in the near future, i will have another kinda dreams, who knows? people changed, from time to time.
 
i had a good boss, he asked my to hold on to my dreams and finding ways to achieve it. he told that i have to go way beyond the limits, and my dreams will achieve one day. Ed, i admire you.
 
so, do you have a dream? what is your dream?
 
 
 
 

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