Archive for July, 2009

Born Without a DSS.

can you believe someone have actually born without any Decisions support system? they cant make decisions in their life, they depends too much on others to spoonfeed them, or just following orders. look around the ppl around us, they are lotsa them exists. is that so hard to make a decisions?? what can be come worse when u have made a wrong one? just make sure u don do it again the same thing next time!
some ppl were born in a good family and getting pampered by their parents, cant adept to the real worlds when they start to come to working, whines about their sucking jobs and their sucking life. sigh… just look at the ppl around u… or perhaps ur little brother, or little sister. are they born without a DSS too? how pathetic….

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somehow i feel like i am becoming a nigga. nigga – a slave with a chain on his neck. travel at dawn is very tiring to me. somehow i was force to do so. why? coz my boss said so. why can’t we travel a day before? it has being hard for me. i have mention it many times and yet i got ignore.

conflict of interest. someone buy me a lunch for less than RM 10. would i be giving him a discount over a project? my boss ask if someone buy me a lunch and would i give him a discount on the man day. how insulting. i told him to handle back the customer if he felt that i am getting conflict of interest with my customer.

one funny thing is that he ask me to treat my customer if i m not stingy. i would treats my frens over some fancy meals but thinking of my company doesn’t allow us to claims and doing it on my good own will to do goods to my customer, why would i be so silly ? i have eye witness my boss play stupid that day when the customer brings him out for lunch and waiitng for the customer to pay the bills. and now he would ask me to pay for my customer. how ironic. guess he never knew how stingy he was.

i just hadda dinner with my ex colleague that day with his gf. we talked so much and strangly everyone are curious and i was questions recently by many amogst my frens still why i am still not desperate of looking for a gf. hmmm… well still i am not really prepare into the relationship kinda things yet. not for now i guess. not until i have learn the way of to know how to live together, by means of caring, sacrificing or tolerates. love is all about passions era ends for me. it is all about responsibility. sadly somehow i feel it that way. i don love someone because of my crazy minds telling me to do so but rather i wanted to build something that both of us can be together, forever.

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my sleep time is getting weirder and weirder and that’s makes me trolling in the office sometimes. i m lost maybe. at the age of 32. ><
hmmm maybe i am running away from something. too fearful to learn what is that maybe. so i have choosen to self exile. sometimes, something i gotta do i know. or at least aomething i can do to overcome this. but i just don wanna take in the step. my fren once told me that this is something call opportunities. which i should have grab it. lol..
to back to the real world, i don think i am prepared.
day after day, nothing much in my real life that concerns me much other than my own debts. i adore frenship but well i don like my parents showing face to them when they are here. i choose to be silence on this case i just don wanna have arguement with my folks. they’re old. it’s not wise to make them sad. in that case, i just kept quiet.
i don really have social life. i don really good at handling ppl imo. i tried to be as honest as i could, but sometimes i had to speak in a diffrent way to my customer to cover up something. i don really like that. i tried hard to be honest.
in my life, what i have felt guilty most, is to made someone to divorce with her husband. some call it an achievement, but i just felt bad. it shouldnt happened that way. we were at the wrong time and wrong place. lies doest earn us loves, but sorrow and grieve.
i have 3 broken relationship in the past of my life, i just never tell them why i would be breaking up with them. one was too independent, hard headed, ego kinda gal. another kinda was too dependent, self confidenceless and cant make up their minds, and the last kind,  well, full of lies.
guess what, 3 of the gals, i knew from from the cyber world.
i have dated so many gals from the internet, but really, most of them becomes my good friends in the end,and then suddenly, they just disappeared. for some reason i lost contact with them. i lost my hp, they change the new hp and they informed me, but i never kept the new ones. some of them just never contacted me after the first dates, guess i m way out of their expectations. harharha… funny
i remember my first date over the icq gals was a gal name hui xia from kedah. and she really come all the way from alor setar to meet me in person ><. well we become good frens since after then and i have lost her contact for so many times. but in the end we still made contact to each others, until 3 years ago, she texts me about her hp no. change, and i as usual, never saved that in my hp, and finally, i have lost contact with her. well i still kept her email though, i m just too lazy to make contact with her.. mayber later i shuold drop her an email.
there’s was a pair of sisters i have also dated, yet i have become their good frens again, and also lost contact for so long. wonder how are they doing. and yes again, i have the little sister’s email; for some reason also, i m just too lazy to make contacts with them.
there was a pair of good frens that is from alor star also, one made way to study in england and one went to become a doctor. the gals from england have come back with her englishmen bf that was i last heard from the doctor fren of her. and well, i lost their contacts too. maybe have to dig out some emails later.
there’s another gal that is from alor setar too and used to work in Sungai petani. we becomes great frens for sometimes and then somehow we just don really chat on msn anymore.
i just dated a gal from the internet too recently. wonder if we will be a good frens or going further into relationship or just getting of OoE again. well god knows. she’s so tall zomg i m just about at her height without her wearing high heels +_+
my minds weak when i m feeling sick. it made me think of my past. and i just wanted to keep the moment down in my blogs to make sure many years later, i still can read what i have wrote on today, at this very morning.

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you are not prepared

indeed. perhaps i donno how. show me the path.

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