so calm

yesterday i have the calm feeling again. my mind are so peaceful. i like this kinda feeling as it’s just like i am looking myself at a far distance. everything looks so steady and slow. everything looks so normal and my anger, fear, happiness, sad.. all emotion are gone.

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偶然 -徐志摩

我是天空里的一片云，

偶尔投影在你的波心——

你不必讶异，
更无须欢喜——

在转瞬间消灭了踪影。

你我相逢在黑夜的海上，

你有你的，我有我的，方向；

你记得也好，
最好你忘掉，
在这交会时互放的光亮！

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is this a test or tease?

hmm i am not sure, i never really put deep thought about it, or maybe i cant get the answer after my deep thought… i am so tired recently cant put much energy on it. maybe i put my energy on the wrong things ><

my boss once said gaining his trust needs time and efforts. cant believe he would say that when i work with him for 6 years. well guess fair enough since i don really trust what he have said for these recent years. it is hard to put some trust on ppl, especially we are living in the world like this. so i will do my best to gain your trust. but always remember that, i have a line too. don force me to cross my line, i don like to play with my patient. i am impatient.

i was wonder, what are  the criteria of gaining others trust? to be honest? to be caring? to be hardworking? to have high EQ? to my boss, i think he needs me to control my temper. >< i bet he is one fucking boss that’s fail.

so i hate the guessing game… i live my life and trying to be honest as possible. i lied when i was told by, or force to if i don really trust on ppl who i think they are trying to get advantages on me. i tried to be as honest, lying is a sin, i always aware of that. i don lie when i have a choice. guessing somehow is difficult for me, as i don really have a strategy to win over a guessing game. i would just go and ask straightly. don let me guess please, i hate making assumptions. by all means, in the name of holy mary or jesus himselves, show me the light.

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an Africa proverb

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.

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tiring trip

it’s tiring , really. physically and mentally.  to me, a promise is always a promise, i will uphold my words and will help out until end of january. words of a men. yet i kept complaining alot, but hey i still upholds my promise, aint i?

the word resign have knock on my minds again. but what will i do after my resignation? what will be will be, the future not us to see? seriously there’s a lot of things that i can do if i wanted to. nothing to me is impossible. i have once slept in the park for over nite, i have tasted and share the dogfood with my pet. i lived through hell and nothing else can be worse than that i believe.

 

what are the probability or chances for 2 ppl to met? what the the probability for a 2 met ppl click with each others? seriously i have no idea how to calculate this but i believe it not easy for a 2 met ppl to clicks to each others. i’ve met so many ppl and those who i can call fren, i can say i only have one. but sadly, we don really share much except games and living experience and crap. something other than that we rarely share with each others. many years ago i felt that i might found my true loves but i gave it up due to our conflicts. then later on i found another gal but have found out that she was married and her husband happends to be my fren. omfg. so bizzare. i have cause them to get divorce and she is staying alone. i couldnt accept her love once i have found out that the true story behind. such a great pain.

 

 

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german pointer

i met the little gal online again, well she isnt really little, just about 10 years younger than me, i just like to refer herself as a little gal. she was asking if i want to keep a german pointer. so coincendancely i was thinking of getting a dogs a few hours ago. ><

then we talk so much about dogs >< and of course a lotsa other things too. it was fun when i am sitting alone in my KL hostel while nothing else to do. well i did texting someone else actually but it takes sometime to replies back. it was a 2 day trip where i follow my other boss travel down to kl. it’s a good thing that i don have to drive all the way down but it’s bad when i don have cars to go out to find my fren out there. i stay in the god jamn hostel and do some study and creating some wild thoughts. i hate when i have so much free time when i let my brains unoccupy. so here and there my minds wonders and luckily the little gal shows up on my msn list and we have so much chit chatting. too bad i cant take the pointer as i am living in an appartment now… ><

 

i used to have my best buddy before. its a beagle when i am staying in serdang and working in cyberjaya last time. someone found buddy and post it in the forum and i just tried my luck to tell that i wanna kept it and then i got it the next few days. i’ve spent a good time with my buddy 😀 thats something i would never forget. hmm well back to the german pointer ><

its a she and it was about 7-8 years old and aggressive towards other dogs. she had bitten 2 dogs to death before when she was under the little gal’s custody. she weighs <20kg, most likely between 16-20 kg, as tall as a dalmation.

 

pity a gal would have done so much for her dogs. she had kept 3 dogs at her house and having the responsibility to taking care of them alone. it is not easy to keep a dog, esp 3 of them. i have experience once. i did help to foster puppies last time. but most of the time i just help feeding and bathing them sometimes. there’s bunch of students also come and help me taking after the puppies when i am not around. 😀

 

 

 

 

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Crossroad

here am i, standing at the crossroad. donno which path to choose. to be myself? to be someone not so much looks like myselves? or to be someone else? its a myth… following my heart. cross my finger…

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Alone in the dark

so many years… we’ve struggle together… so many days… we’ve gone thru together… fight bosses after bosses… and i thought we were best frens… yet now u have left… just like that… sigh…. i am just sitting alone in the dark… wondering where should i go… what should i do… what can i do….

><|||

Z_Z

X_X

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helping hands

well time for bitching again i guess….  for the coming months i have promised my boss that i will cover his work in KL and selangor. for his wife is expecting and for him to stay home for being a father and taking care of his wife after the delivering.

i did not asked much… all i ask is that lemme stay in KL for the 2 month so i don have to travel much. as expected my request got declined. what i was told is that there will be minimal travelling needed. so today, i’ve drive down to KL and will be stay until friday. just a few hours ago, my other boss have called up, telling me that i have to go down to KL again on next tuesday. he will be doing the drivings… fuck this shits, still i need to travel, why cant i just stay here and go back until next week…. so much of good boss and bad boss tactics, toying with people’s mind.

some ppl just pretend that he doesnt know how exhausted i am for the travelling… all he cares are his family… he asked me as a favor to work down in kl, though i knew that i don really have a choice really… i’ve wrote for help in operation meeting for certain project and what i got is the answer that i already have enough resources to cover that. hell right… this department have 3 project manager, yet i am the only one who can be asked for favor?

getting a aching back again while i was writing this…. but who cares about me?

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Crazy minds

here again… my crazy minds (passions) have been torturing me again with some wild thoughts. some girl i know from the internet have caught my interests again. this crazy minds drives me crazy for many times and every times it takes a long while to heal and back to be myself again. now i think it is starting again… i have had learns that way to stop this. still somehow i let it control over my normal minds again. maybe i wanna see if what will goes to the end of this… will it be as painful as before or will it be something diffrent? que boonlee boonee, whatever will be will be… ><

i called myself as an adventures type of people… i always challenge my fear…. well except for watching scary movies… thats because i know that the movie are made to scare people and most prolly my body cant take the after shock effect and might got an heart attack.

i face fear like no tomorrow… i dare and double dare ppl if they dare me… i speak my thoughts when i think something is not right… i stood up and fight take the damage if i must…. some they call silly… some they call act without thinking… but what the hey… i am who i am…

once before i was like a sissy… when things happeneds, i used to denied of staying of behind when there’s a fight starting…. everything was just so scary when things happened… but then again… it was my crazy minds who thought me that i should never start fleeing nor start self denying…. all man lives a short lives…. if you have alway stay out of something… u’ll never grow… grow in a good way or bad doesnt really matters..  the ever first time i learn that when i was like 17 years of ages in a basketball field when there are tensions and abought the start a fight between my frens and some other ppl and i was staying in the back… it ends up with no fights and my frens just laugh at me about this. at the very nite i have gone thru the situations again and have the crazy minds influencing me that what i have shouldnt done…. think of the way if one day, i am the one who got picked up by others and all my frens stay behinds me thinking of running off their lives… that gives me a real thought. at least if someone stood besides me i always believe 2 is better than myself standing alone. one day… just one day i might be the victims if i never giving out my hands

the next things that have changes me alot is when i have visit the Nanjing massacre memorial… in short times the japs massacre 300 thousands of chinese…. it was like in every 12 seconds there will be someone dead by that time. that gives me a strong believe that if allt he 300 thousand ppl stood up and gives the japs hell out of fight… history may change… cowardice are just not my style anymore since then….

passions are wilds, crazys and dangerous thoghts… but also it gives inspiration, creativeness and adventures at the same time. u will never know what will hapens until u have decided to go with it. most ppl have the thought but most ppl fails to work with it… the recent i’ve heard is that some ppl is quitting a nice pay work and will be looking for job in far north…. seriously i never believe on what ppl said… may i’ve get to know some ppl so well… thinking is always easier than making it comes through….

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2009 year end wrapups

well its another year ends. time to wrap up for what i have learned again this year.

1. NEVER EVER TRUST YOUR BOSS!!! they are using us as a tools. the only time u trust them will be the day u have receive the salary every month! other than that, NEVER TRUST YOUR BOSS!!!

2. life are shorts, do whatever you want while you can, don always have the thoughts like

a. when A, then resolutions (when i am rich and old then i will go travel)

b. if A then resolutions else end ( if i have won lottery, then i will go travel)

times never waits… things with conditions don always work. assuming that we have 66 years to live and minus the 33 years of sleeping time, and 10 years of gaining to adulthood, we only really lives for 23 years and minus out the 20 years of working time. what we have left for being ourselves are only like 3 years of free time. if 356 X 3 we only have roughly 1000 days. which means that for averagely we will get 1 year free for every 22 years we lived. why stop doing things we like to do?

3. getting life back after quitting wow for sometimes. congratulations. but anyway stuck in console and other PC games again. bye bye social life ><

4. as a results of 3, social life almost = 0

5. health issue. getting worse on back and heart, getting healthier mental and positive thoughts…. well i gain something and i lose something 😀

6. more friendlier that i used to be and more harsh than i used to be. human are complex ><. not one can understand themselves, not even dare to speak about others

7. been to guilin, beijing, chengdu of china, brunei darulsalam and endless time travelling to selangor, KL and kulim.

8. trying to be a man with words, trying hard still.

9. learn about the phrase “comes to agreement” and find it nice to use when solving conflicts.

10. sleeepless issue still bugging me.

11. once again i have been bugged by my crazy minds.

12. someone owe me doraemon and never return to me yet. yes that you, clarissa tan!

13. i think some ppl just failed in our department. they just failed.

14. i also findout that my boss is playing the good boss bad boss tactics.

15. learn the word IDGAF. and i wish that i can really be IDGAF for the rest of my life. by doing this first of all i have to get rid of everything i had for now. sadly if i can draw or sing, i would really have the IDGAF attinutes and start travelling around the world.

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