Archive for December, 2009

so calm

yesterday i have the calm feeling again. my mind are so peaceful. i like this kinda feeling as it’s just like i am looking myself at a far distance. everything looks so steady and slow. everything looks so normal and my anger, fear, happiness, sad.. all emotion are gone.

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偶然 -徐志摩


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is this a test or tease?

hmm i am not sure, i never really put deep thought about it, or maybe i cant get the answer after my deep thought… i am so tired recently cant put much energy on it. maybe i put my energy on the wrong things ><

my boss once said gaining his trust needs time and efforts. cant believe he would say that when i work with him for 6 years. well guess fair enough since i don really trust what he have said for these recent years. it is hard to put some trust on ppl, especially we are living in the world like this. so i will do my best to gain your trust. but always remember that, i have a line too. don force me to cross my line, i don like to play with my patient. i am impatient.

i was wonder, what are  the criteria of gaining others trust? to be honest? to be caring? to be hardworking? to have high EQ? to my boss, i think he needs me to control my temper. >< i bet he is one fucking boss that’s fail.

so i hate the guessing game… i live my life and trying to be honest as possible. i lied when i was told by, or force to if i don really trust on ppl who i think they are trying to get advantages on me. i tried to be as honest, lying is a sin, i always aware of that. i don lie when i have a choice. guessing somehow is difficult for me, as i don really have a strategy to win over a guessing game. i would just go and ask straightly. don let me guess please, i hate making assumptions. by all means, in the name of holy mary or jesus himselves, show me the light.

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an Africa proverb

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.

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tiring trip

it’s tiring , really. physically and mentally.  to me, a promise is always a promise, i will uphold my words and will help out until end of january. words of a men. yet i kept complaining alot, but hey i still upholds my promise, aint i?
the word resign have knock on my minds again. but what will i do after my resignation? what will be will be, the future not us to see? seriously there’s a lot of things that i can do if i wanted to. nothing to me is impossible. i have once slept in the park for over nite, i have tasted and share the dogfood with my pet. i lived through hell and nothing else can be worse than that i believe.
what are the probability or chances for 2 ppl to met? what the the probability for a 2 met ppl click with each others? seriously i have no idea how to calculate this but i believe it not easy for a 2 met ppl to clicks to each others. i’ve met so many ppl and those who i can call fren, i can say i only have one. but sadly, we don really share much except games and living experience and crap. something other than that we rarely share with each others. many years ago i felt that i might found my true loves but i gave it up due to our conflicts. then later on i found another gal but have found out that she was married and her husband happends to be my fren. omfg. so bizzare. i have cause them to get divorce and she is staying alone. i couldnt accept her love once i have found out that the true story behind. such a great pain.

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german pointer

i met the little gal online again, well she isnt really little, just about 10 years younger than me, i just like to refer herself as a little gal. she was asking if i want to keep a german pointer. so coincendancely i was thinking of getting a dogs a few hours ago. ><
then we talk so much about dogs >< and of course a lotsa other things too. it was fun when i am sitting alone in my KL hostel while nothing else to do. well i did texting someone else actually but it takes sometime to replies back. it was a 2 day trip where i follow my other boss travel down to kl. it’s a good thing that i don have to drive all the way down but it’s bad when i don have cars to go out to find my fren out there. i stay in the god jamn hostel and do some study and creating some wild thoughts. i hate when i have so much free time when i let my brains unoccupy. so here and there my minds wonders and luckily the little gal shows up on my msn list and we have so much chit chatting. too bad i cant take the pointer as i am living in an appartment now… ><
i used to have my best buddy before. its a beagle when i am staying in serdang and working in cyberjaya last time. someone found buddy and post it in the forum and i just tried my luck to tell that i wanna kept it and then i got it the next few days. i’ve spent a good time with my buddy 😀 thats something i would never forget. hmm well back to the german pointer ><
its a she and it was about 7-8 years old and aggressive towards other dogs. she had bitten 2 dogs to death before when she was under the little gal’s custody. she weighs <20kg, most likely between 16-20 kg, as tall as a dalmation.
pity a gal would have done so much for her dogs. she had kept 3 dogs at her house and having the responsibility to taking care of them alone. it is not easy to keep a dog, esp 3 of them. i have experience once. i did help to foster puppies last time. but most of the time i just help feeding and bathing them sometimes. there’s bunch of students also come and help me taking after the puppies when i am not around. 😀

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here am i, standing at the crossroad. donno which path to choose. to be myself? to be someone not so much looks like myselves? or to be someone else? its a myth… following my heart. cross my finger…

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